Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Electrickery

I’ve been thinking a lot about electrical appliances lately … and why it is they dislike me so much. I’ve known for a long time that computers hate me … and that’s fair enough I hate them too (though I’m not as mean and nasty about it as they are). But my cooker blew up the other day … and that was completely unnecessary. Granted I spilled a saucepan of water over it, but I’d have thought that’s an occupational hazard if you’re a cooker. But to go BANG and scare me half to death was just harsh. (And it gave off a funny smell … at least I think it was the cooker … I was quite scared).

Not knowing quite what to do, I asked some friends on-line. The clever one suggested I switch the cooker off at the mains (I hadn’t thought of that) and then take the fuse out. That was another disaster because I was standing on a box in the cupboard in the hall when I flicked the wrong switch and everything went pitch black. I fell off the box (obviously) and then I had to climb back up in the dark and try to switch it all back on again. I swear I could hear the circuit board laughing.

Next morning I realised I couldn’t even have a cup of tea! I’d been boiling water in a saucepan on the cooker because the other week my kettle broke (can you see the pattern yet?). I know

I could have bought another kettle but I haven’t seen one I like (at least if I start off liking my appliances they may like me back. Not holding my breath though).

All I need now if for my microwave and fridge to go and I’m finished … they will have won.

But what REALLY scared me today was the thought that all these individual appliances are connected together into one Big Wire that comes into my flat from … who knows where? And who controls the Big Wire? The thought there is someone or something malevolent at the end of it … randomly flicking switches to torment me … was just too much for me to bear.

So I’m sticking blindly to the idea that each individual electrical appliance hates me personally and for very particular reasons. I can deal with that … just so long as they don’t all gang up on me and attack me in my bed.

(hmmm … now I’m having doubts about my bedside lamp …)

Comments:
Hahaha, you have cheered up a boring day at uni for me no end! I DEFINITELY think you need to buy a kettle (just get a five pound tesco one for now) and get on the phone to your landlord sharpish about your cooker! Can you imagine the palava in my house if the cooker broke?!?! Not even worth thinking about...
 
hahahahahhahahahhahhaha!

i'm laughing but i understand completely your distress... they hate me too, especially computers and tills.

maybe it's a conspiracy....I say we boycott them all and go back to simple living!

although life without tea sounds a bit tough...
 
i just had a flashback to my worst run-in with an appliance...gas, not electrical, but of the same family nevertheless... a grill once spat out a fireball (quite a big one) at me and singed my eyebrows.
i think we should form an I Hate Appliances Club... it would be "WHAC" for short...
 
that should have been the WE hate appliances club...IHAC doesn't really have the same ring to it...oops!
 
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