Friday, December 22, 2006

Email Anxiety and Telephone Phobia

I know.

I don’t call … I don’t write … I don’t respond to emails. I rarely answer my phone. Or return messages.

And I haven’t been to visit for ages.

I like people communicating with me … I really do. I like to hear your news … to know what’s going on and how you’re doing.

But my fear is this … if I communicate back to you, then you’ll communicate back to me AGAIN. And then we’ll have “an on-going dialogue”. And you’ll want to know how I’m doing and when I’m coming to visit.

And because I have a deep need to please everybody all the time, I’ll tell you things about myself that I’ll later regret. I’ll say “yes” to invitations and make arrangements. Then I’ll start planning how to get out of them.

It comes from a time in my life and “career” when I dreaded every phone call, every letter, every appointment, every visit. People always wanted “to talk”. And it was my job to listen. And to come up with something. And they’d go away a little happier. And then think we were friends. And invite me round to dinner. And I’d say, “Great!” and get my diary out.

Now I live in a little bubble. Mainly a cyber bubble. Chat rooms. Blogs. That sort of thing. Though I do chat to the girl in the coffee shop as well.

I divide the day up into 3 sections: daytime, evening and night. I get through them one at a time.

Please don’t think that’s sad because it’s really working for me. I’m being more creative and productive than I have been for a long time. I have got friends and people who care about me (they are the ones who are not put off by my long periods of silence and my failure to respond to their communications). I’m working slowly, steadily and methodically. And I have faith. And family.

And I’m desperately trying to keep it like that for the time being, because I’m so easily thrown off kilter. Then it takes me days to get it back together.

So as we go into a New Year … be patient with me. Very patient. A good way to keep in touch with how I’m doing and what I’m doing is through this blog. Put it in your favourites. Add comments. It’s surprisingly personal and usually fun.

And of course I’ll come to visit. Give me a call sometime, or send me an email … lets get something in the diary. Maybe make it a regular thing.

But don’t hold your breath.

hello Peter, just read your blog for the first time in a few weeks, it's getting really good, made me laugh and think ;)
Thanks Simon ... good to hear from you! Hope you both have a great Christmas (and the little bunin the oven, of course).
I must have inherited telephone phobia from my Dad - is it genetic?
Could be, darling! lol
I've been meaning to phone for the last week just not quite got there
now I'm not sure I can
well soon
merry merry
ho ho ho
Merry Christmas to you.
Have a fun one.
i hate telephones too....spooky...
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