Saturday, February 24, 2007

Toilet Humour

I noticed I was getting soggy socks every time I went to the bathroom. My aim has definitely improved over the years so it couldn’t have been that.

Maybe I’d just been having too much fun in the bath with my toy boat and my Action Man diving figure.

But when the water started seeping under the door and into the hall I began to suspect there might be a problem. Pretty soon after, I got fed up with constantly mopping it up so I decided to investigate.

The toilet’s leaking. It never rains but it pours. Or drips in this case.

I’ve had to use an old ice cream container. Not to pee in (tut @ you all) but to catch the drips.

That works fine but now I’m fed up of emptying it 2 or 3 times a day. So, after taking some excellent advice (again, from a woman – not a man) I now have Duck Tape. Only problem is that it’s black and the pipes are white, so I’ll have to paint over it. What a palaver. It should be just a temporary fix until I get a plumber in. Yeah right. As long as it stops leaking and I can have dry socks in the bathroom then it’s job done as far as I’m concerned.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007


It may only be small place, but it all goes in in Ystradfellte I can tell you!!!

Sunday, February 11, 2007

A Day At The Seaside





Ah, the exhilaration of the wind blowing in my face and filling my lungs with fresh air … the beauty of the sunlight shining on the surface of the sea … the awesome power of the waves gathering relentlessly, rolling in and crashing upon the rocks.

Bollocks.

It was bloody freezing, I got soaked and the wind played havoc with my hair.

But I got some pictures.

I think I’m supposed to have an “artist’s eye” for the beauty of nature, for the big picture and the smaller detail. But a trip out like today doesn’t do that for me.

I see people. Not dead ones. Weirdos.

Two people … a man and a woman … were sat on a bench with the BIGGEST telephoto lenses I have ever seen! They were obscene. The woman was playing lovingly with hers while the man just leaned back smugly with it pointing at the sky.

They were taking photos of seagulls. I ask you. Are they stupid? And what a waste of money. Just buy a cheap disposable camera, strap a half-eaten sandwich to it, and you’ll have as much of an extreme close-up as you can handle!

Actually, I hate seagulls. They scare me. I had this idea of putting small explosives in half-eaten sandwiches and leaving them lying around. Then it would be worth having a telephoto lens to take pictures of seagulls exploding in mid air. I bet I could get an Arts Council grant for that.

I also noticed lots of people with dogs … and bags of poo. Lots of people walking their dogs along the seafront with the lead in one hand and a bag of poo in the other. Two women with dogs were talking animatedly, waving their bags of poo around like a handbag or some other kind of fashion accessory.

Maybe it is the thing to carry nowadays. Maybe it’s edgy and cool. I think I might try it. I don’t like dogs, so I won’t have one of those. I’ll just carry a bag of poo.

Friday, February 09, 2007

More drawings from Garwnant






Wednesday, February 07, 2007


Enough Said

Friday, February 02, 2007

It’s Getting Worse

It should be pretty clear to everyone by now that I shouldn’t be allowed to stay in alone or go out. That narrows down the options somewhat.

My latest escapade involved the Police. I don’t think they want me out and about in public either. Electronic tagging can’t be far off.

On Wednesday, I was driving out of Cardiff when I saw a policeman by the side of the road. He held up his hand. I waved back. Then he stepped out in front of me. I stopped the car to tell him how silly he was and what a dangerous thing that was to do. His opening words shut me up. “I’m afraid I’m going to have to impound your vehicle”. In advertising terms we call that an ‘attention-grabber’. I ran through the options in my head:

Car dirty … not an offence.
Playing Alannis Morisette loudly … only offensive to some.
Speeding … actually I wasn’t.
Dancing as I drove … don’t think I was doing that either.
On the phone? Nah … haven’t paid the bill so I can’t use the phone.

I needn’t have worried … the Officer seemed eager to tell me.

“You’re driving without insurance”.

We had quite a discussion about THAT, I can tell you. It didn’t quite get into …
“I have SO got insurance” … “You SO have not” etc. but it was close. It seems they have a ‘system’ of informing the Police. Just not one of informing me.

I had to accompany him to his car and get in the back. There were no handcuffs involved. I asked, but he refused.

Lots of question followed, and checks on his radio, and filling in of forms. It was a really nice car, black leather seats, drinks holders, child-locks. I wouldn’t mind a car like that. Pretty, too, though I don’t usually go for blue and yellow together. And I would LOVE one of those radios where you ask questions and someone answers. “How am I doing for bread and milk, over?” “You need to pick some up on the way home, over”. “Awww, go on … will you do it for me, over?” “oh, alright then, over and out”. Bliss.

Anyway. It turned out I hadn’t paid my renewal premium. Since November.

Of course, I could neither confirm nor deny that. Not the 5th Amendment or anything clever like that … just HOW was I supposed to KNOW one way or the other?

He asked me if I’d noticed money hadn’t gone out of my account and that I had more in there than I should have. I didn’t laugh out loud because I think it was a serious comment. He just didn’t know me that well yet. He was bemused when I told him that I don’t even OPEN my Bank Statements (he’s probably one of those REALLY organised people who knows how much money they’ve got. I do too. It’s nothing.) He soon realised I wasn’t wicked … just stupid. It usually takes people a lot longer to figure that out, so well done him.

At first, he wanted to impound my vehicle there and then, fine me £1,000, send me to court and get me banned from driving.

But instead he let me off. What a nice man.


So sometime soon I REALLY need to get this insurance sorted.

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